Shall They Pass Through?

It's funny how sometimes other people trying to convince you, advice you, or even praise you. No matter how hard you're working on your best effort to believe all those words, it was just so hard.

You've been hurt before.

Your body become a shield made of steel, not any of the words can come through you. Though they're right, though those words might be a cure to the wounds inside you. You just... don't know which one to keep inside. It's so confusing. 

"You are beautiful."

"You are kind."

"You are worthy."

"You are enough."

The more you hear, the more those words bounce back outside the shield. You wish you could believe all of them. But you really don't know how to.

There might be the point where your shield weakens. Not only because of what trying to get inside, but also what trying to get out. 

You've been so busy protecting yourself. You've clearly forgot to take care of the wounds from the previous attack. They're worsening. The wounds look lots awful than they used to before. 

It's not just the outside world that can scheme to hurt you, I'm afraid. 

You. Hurt. You. 

You. Are. Dying. 

You. Let. You. Die. 

You spread your own disease throughout your body, your system. It's not like because you want it. It's just become out of control. 

You lay your head down, feeling exhausted from the overwhelming conditions. Your breath is short and shallow. It becomes really fast by the time. You try to steady yourself but you slumped back to the ground. 

You know what, my Dear? 

I think it because you don't let yourself to filter. What goes in, what goes out. Who to help, who to seek help from. 

We're human, after all. A social being, who might not able to live entirely on our own. 

Yazida. 

27 Oktober 2020.

23.53 WIB. 

#Day12

#30DWCJilid26