Reality?

Dhan, even though I've taken the previous two weeks to escape from reality, my first week coming back to this reality isn't a hundred percent what I expected.

Too much going on.

When all this insanity manifest themselves into sickness, I knew it. It isn't just about eating wrong kinda food. It's about feeling exhausted during the journey and needing more me time to strengthen myself.

Dhan, even though the doctor told me not to put myself too much on hard things... this world just can't let me do it.

If only humans can see with their humanity eyes... that I am only a human, why do they treat me as if I'm not?

Dhan, I feel tired hearing "sometimes the world isn't always what you expect" as an answer to all my greys and blues.

This too shall pass, but when?

The idea and the fact that my body couldn't take it no more and started the rebels... my mind, I couldn't keep it focus towards what happened in front of me.

I lost my desire to touch matters I should've touched and finished from long time ago, but things just keep coming closer. Everytime I finished one matter, many more are coming.

Even I don't know what should I finished first.

I heard no appreciation on what I've done. Or applause after I delivered my works just not working anymore to me? I don't know.

I feel numbness, I don't know. Coming back to the reality before and after my two weeks resting with all the medicine I should take, don't have any significant difference. I still live my life like half zombie, half robot. Except if robots are mostly smart, my brain process things slower than it used to be. Even though yes, my brain isn't that empty as zombie's.

I'm afraid, this is what people call burnout.



Friday, 17 May 2019.
00.09

The-still-trying-to-sleep-young-lady,
Yazida.

Ya Allah, please let me wake up at 3, I need to eat sahur without facing any rush.